Summertime
brings a lot of family time. With family reunions, picnics, weddings and other
events, long distant family members travel to gather together. It is also the
perfect time to do some planning for the future. With parents aging and their
health and lifestyles changing, children need to discuss some changes and
decisions that will be needed in the near future. Parents should take the time
to tell their children where important documents are kept and what their wishes
are in the event of needing health care directives or experiencing long term
care needs.
For
those children who live away, the change they see in their parent's health and
mental capacity may be alarming -- whereas siblings that have daily contact are
working with these issues constantly. Here is the chance to compare notes and
work together as a complete family in the long term care planning process. For
you parents who are well and active, this is a good time to hold a family
meeting and share with your children your plan for long term care. Tell them
where financial and legal documents are located. Review health care directives,
living wills and long term care alternatives.
Experience
has shown that even families that are close can quickly grow angry, jealous and
hostile towards each other when an aging parent begins to need long term care.
If a
sibling
moves into the parent's home, others can easily be suspicious of ulterior
motives and fear losing their inheritance. On the other hand, the child
providing the elder care becomes bitter and feels there is no support or help
from siblings. Pre-need meetings for the purpose of making a plan, before
eldercare becomes imminent, avoids these types of conflicts.
In
its book, “The 4 Steps of Long Term Care Planning,” the National Care Planning
Council provides guidelines and checklists for family planning meetings. Here's
an excerpt from the book:
“The
first step to holding a meeting, and perhaps the most difficult one, is to get
all interested persons together in one place at one time. If it's a family
gathering, perhaps a birthday, an anniversary or another special event could be
used as a way to get all to meet. Or maybe even a special dinner might be an
incentive.
The
person conducting the meeting can be a parent or one person of a couple who are
doing their planning, years before the need for care arises. A meeting on
behalf of someone already receiving care or needing care in the immediate
future could be conducted by that person or by a member of the family, by an
adviser or a friend.
The
agenda could be formal or informal. If you want a formal agenda, we suggest
using our care planning checklist as the agenda. Copies of the care plan should
be prepared prior to the meeting and presented to those attending. Discussion
is encouraged and we recommend that the person in charge not dictate but
encourage input from everyone.
After
a thorough discussion of the issues and the presentation of the solutions to
the problems that will be encountered, there should be a consensus of all
attending to support the plan. If the plan needs to be altered to meet
everyone's expectations then by all means do so if that can be done. But it is
not always possible to please everyone so there must sometimes be compromise.
The
end of the meeting should consist of asking everyone present to make his or her
commitment to support the plan.
GET
IT IN WRITING! All good intentions seem to be forgotten with time. It may be
years after this meeting before the long term care plan begins. If there are
vocal commitments to help with transportation to doctors, give respite to the
caregiver or other commitments, write them down on the care agreement. You can
even have each person put a signature to his or her commitment if you think
that is important.”
The
U.S Department of Health and Human Services states:
“No
one wants to think about a time when they might need long-term care. So
planning ahead for this possibility often gets put off. Most people first learn
about long-term care when they or a loved one need care. Then their options are
often limited by lack of information, the immediate need for services, and
insufficient resources to pay for preferred services. Planning ahead allows you
to have more control over your future”.
"Whether
you plan a formal meeting with an agenda or informally gather for a discussion,
when the family is together make it a point to start the long term care
planning process.
There
is a lot to learn and many decisions to make concerning finances, health issues
and legal work. It may take research and a lot of time to put a plan together,
but if everyone is involved it will work, and be worth it." National Care Planning Council, www.longtermcarelink.net
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