Family Caregiver Disputes Can Sometimes Be Resolved By a Care Manager

Let's look at a hypothetical example to see how a care manager who provides counseling or mediation services could be invaluable to a son or daughter caring for a parent:

Michelle is a single divorced mother with two teenage children. Her mother, Martha, has a stroke, which apparently causes some memory loss as well as some disability in being able to care for herself.  Michelle decides to move in with her mother and take care of her. In return, Michelle who is temporarily out of work has a place to live and share her mother's retirement income.

Martha has mood swings and often forgets what she is doing. She seems to display a lot of anger and takes it out on Michelle, calling her all kinds of horrible names. She is never happy and is constantly calling for attention. In trying to take care of her own children as well as her mother, Michelle is quickly being drained of her physical and emotional strength.

In addition Michelle's brother and two sisters are happy she is taking care of her mother since they are now absolved of the responsibility, but they treat Michelle terribly. They call her awful names and accuse her of being a "leech". On the other hand they have plenty of advice on how to deal with their mother but never offer any of their own time to help. After all, they reason, Michelle is receiving benefits from caring for her mother and logically she should be responsible for all the care.

On the advice of a friend, Michelle hires a care manager, Brent, who comes highly recommended in solving family disputes. Brent is a certificated mediator. Brent first does a care assessment of Martha and comes away suspecting there is more to her personality disorder than a stroke. He makes arrangements to take Martha to a Geriatric Physician who does a complete physical assessment and recognizes that Martha's mental state is due more to improper medications and severe depression.

Martha's medications are reduced and changed and she is put on antidepressants. In addition, her diet is upgraded.  She is to receive more fluids, more healthy foods and especially receive vitamin supplements -- particularly vitamin B12 and vitamin D. The doctor insists on as much exercise as Martha can handle.

Brent helps convince Martha of the need for her new care program and helps oversee her following through on the exercise program. Over the ensuing months Martha's lack of memory and abusive behavior become less severe. She is also better able to care for herself without Michelle's assistance.

In addition to the assessment, one of the first things Brent does is to contact Michelle's older brother who is the family leader. He has a long talk with her brother and gives the brother a different perspective on the issues. With a better understanding of the situation, the brother calls a family meeting and Brent mediates a successful resolution of the family mistreatment of Michelle and the ensuing bad feelings.

Everyone including Michelle is called upon to do his or her part in managing the care of their mother and to work on better family relations. The issue of Michelle "sponging" off of her mother is addressed and all agrees to an adequate solution. Brent will follow up in a month to make sure everyone is following through on his or her commitment.

A year later, Michelle confides to a friend that her bringing a care manager in to help with her family dispute and her mother's caregiving was an answer to her prayers and literally saved her life.